Oh, the succulent pinch of Cupid’s arrow, nestled deep in one’s buttock.
Is there a pain more exquisite than the sweet sting of love??
This I type in bed as Sven labours in the kitchen; he’s braising persimmons and Roquefort in a smoked-cacao reduction, finished with a dusting of fair trade Peruvian bacteria. Sort of a pan-Atlantic/neo-bitter fusion…he knows it’s my favorite realm of the palate. Terribly sweet, really, how hard he’s trying. Soon he will uncork the vintage 1986 Palais des Chevres, as dry and delectable as his Bachelor commentary.
It is difficult to write. Probably because of the hooves. And soon my Sven will whisk me from the Macbook and carry me to the table for our intense, sweaty session of gastronomic indulgence. So alas, I must make this brisk.
Valentine’s Day, lovers shall do what we do best: nosh, snuggle, and wash. The rest is up to fate. One thing is for certain: with Ooh La Zum Glow alit on the mantle, a new Zum Bar waiting in the soap dish, and the creme brulee begging to be bruleed, Valentine’s Day will be anything but ordinary. Or stanky.
I implore you, dear reader: love, lather, and turn up the heat. Never has there been a better night for a steamy shower with Zumbody special.
And by all means, go wild. Indigo Wild, that is. Here is where I would insert a large “wink” emoji, had I opposable thumbs.
- You’ve heard this nag a zillion times, but chug that water. Because it’s true! A well-hydrated body is a healthy one, and you lose more moisture when you breathe cold, dry air. If you’re having trouble keeping up on your H2O game, invest in a BPA-free water bottle that you can tote and refill anywhere. Zum like it hot, so cozy up to herbal tea for another hydration option.
- Your skin is as thirsty as your body, so no matter what your skin type…moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Always end your cleansing routine with an all-natural hydrating treatment to protect skin, especially in the midst of harsh winter vibes. Gentle oils like argan, sea buckthorn, or jojoba are like armor for your skin: providing the deep conditioning you need without clogging pores or leaving a greasy film.
- Joggers and dog walkers, you don’t have to fear the freeze. Treat cheeks and lips with Zum Rub before you go out in the bitter cold to protect that pretty face from windburn.
- And speaking of our super-salve, Zum Rub is gonna be your BFF all winter. It’s also perfect for those yucky cracked knuckles and cuticles, or wherever your skin needs it moist. All you gotta do is rub. Hence the name…we kinda idiot-proofed it.
- Chow down on seasonal superfoods for skin. Keep your skin glowing even when it’s snowing, because some of the yummiest vitamin-rich produce is abundant during wintertime. Squash, pumpkins, kale, sweet potatoes, parsnips, pomegranates, dates, Brussels sprouts, and even grapefruits are in season right now. So stock up on local goodies and eat your way to amazing skin.
- Exfoliate…gently! Slough off dead skin and lock in moisture with all-natural scrubs for face and body. Think biodegradable exfoliation agents like ground walnuts, organic cane sugar, or sea salt, suspended in yummy oils that are oh-so-delicate but purge those pores like a boss. It’s deep penetration without the irritation. (Heh heh heh.)
- Get some safe sunlight. It can be tough to get enough Vitamin D during the winter months, so try to get at least 15 minutes outside each day. However, it’s still really important to keep your skin protected from those UV rays. Especially if you’re out in bright white snow!
- Dark undereye circles are no fun…and do you seem to get zits like clockwork when you’ve had a week of crappy sleep? Your skin is begging you to catch some Z’s, please. Nightly recovery time is so important and your skin can’t function properly without it. Try spritzing your pillowcase and sheets with Frankincense-Lavender Zum Mist as a right-before-bed routine. You’ll be drifting off into dreamland in no time.
- Deal with stress strategically. Sniffle season + your busy butt = a recipe for stress. It makes us more susceptible to not only illness, but complexion flare-ups too. Take the time for a bath, a massage, or a good sweaty hot yoga sesh. Just one hour of self-care goes a looooong way.
You came, you sniffed, you conquered. And now, you’ll get the epic whiffs you’ve asked for.
3125 Zum is an aromatic experience you can’t get anywhere else in the entire world…because 3125 Wyandotte Street, Kansas City, Missouri is like nowhere else on this whole stinkin’ planet.
For years, Zum loveys have requested we make products that smell like our Crossroads chi factory. You can sniff on the herbaceous bodaciousness of our soap studio before you even step through the silver goat door.
Remember that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where the kids first experience that big candy dream world? Our factory is like that, but for your nose. And minus the creepy Oompa Loompas.
Lilting lavender dances with dusky patchouli, while warm woodsy frankincense flirts with zesty lemongrass squirts. Almond’s yummy and oh-so-sweet…then cedarwood turns up some smoky heat. Sea salt and sandalwood bring the beachy-clean, while spicy clove and anise set a sultry scene. And then some.
In other words, prepare for nostril nirvana.
Yep, it’s completely over-the-top and crazy. Guilty as charged. But give it one sniff and try to resist.
Quite honestly, it’s just impossible to fully describe 3125’s vibes. It smells like creativity, belly laughs, booty-rockin’ beats, sloppy smooches, and high fives. ‘Cause that’s what Zum is all about. Ya might say it just comes natural.
3125 is an aromatic olfactory scentsation worthy of the sudsiest celebration. So get your filthy paws on this one-of-a-kind line…available in Zum Bar, Mist, and Wash.
Never been to the factory? Here’s a little peak behind our shower curtain.
Another year of good juju and steamy showers has flown by. Seems like just yesterday that Sven and I were clinking glasses and nuzzling F&M-scented beards as the clock struck midnight and the beast of 2014 reared its head ever so majestically.
Tomorrow, we begin anew and commence our journey to self-realization under the pedagogy of a wise old guru. And by that, we mean we’ll probably get Indian takeout and watch The Wire reruns. But hey, every quest begins with a single step.
Tonight is our last chance to get weird in 2014, and what better way to do it than indulging in some beautifully bizarre cocktails? We’re breaking out these unexpected yet delicious elixirs at our NYE party tonight. Here are some easy ways to mix it up Indigo-style.
‘Cause there ain’t no party like an Indigo party, ‘cause an Indigo party don’t stop…and is full of weirdos…but smells so amazing.
- Bloody Marys are a playground for savory flavor experimentation. Try adding one or more of the following to your hemoglobin-hued juju juice: fresh horseradish pulp, a skewer of fresh mozzarella balls, sriracha…or for the omnivores, a slice of crispy bacon. (If you’re gonna drink bacon one night of the year, tonight is your moment.)
- Are you a kombucha-holic? It’s a yummy substitute for sours in a cocktail recipe. It doesn’t make the drink healthy, per se, but hey, your party will get just a little more probiotic.
- Fresh herbs are delicious in pretty much any cocktail, especially those with gin. A sprig of fresh thyme, rosemary, and/or basil is absolutely divine. We also love the combination of lavender and honey with gin…a la the mixology wizardry at Julep and their oh-so-heavenly Garden & Gun cocktail.
- This goat looooves a good stout float. For a scrumptious grown-up dessert, top a foamy mug of Boulevard Dark Truth Stout with a scoop of Shatto vanilla ice cream. It tastes like every R. Kelly slow jam, in your face, simultaneously. Salted caramel sauce optional…your mind is telling you no, but your body is telling you YEAHHHHHHHH.
- And of course, if you’ve got a serious boozy sweet tooth, you better go big or go home. We’re talking dulce de leche ice cream, Rumchata, and coconut milk in the blender. Yep. Just let it happen. (This may or may not be a certain Indigo Wild blogger’s favorite dessert for when she is, erm, hormonally compromised.)
Any other ideas? We wanna hear ‘em! Dish in the comments or post ‘em to our Facebook page. Have fun tonight, loveys, and stay safe. Sven and I are advocates of both cocktail creativity AND calling a cab when you’ve gotten a little too Indigo Wild.
Holiday gifting can be a real kick in the jingle bells. You wanna get your special Zumbody the most thoughtful gift ever that they’ll actually use and is perfect in every way and snowflakes and sugarplums and baby angel farts etc., etc, etc.
Uh…yeah, right. Maybe in Norman Rockwell Rosy-Cheeks Purgatory.
This time of year is so ironically exhausting…we should be enjoying the nostalgia with our loved ones, not flippin’ out over what to buy and getting caught up in the craziness.
So make like the weather and chill. We did the work for you, alright? Here’s a Zum gift guide for every personality on your list. Because no one can resist all-natural aromatherapy awesomeness, not even your grumpiest giftee.
FOR THE OVERACHIEVER: Your Type-A tootsie could use the goat treatment. Treat them to the pampering they deserve with these stress-busting favorites.
FOR THE JOCK: This all-natural athlete loves to play hard and get dirty. We’ve got the perfect present for your smelly superstar.
FOR THE DIVA: They’re fussy and high-maintenance, but you love ‘em anyway. Enable their vanity with goodies to satisfy any skincare junkie.
FOR THE COLLEGE KID: Spoil your adult-in-training with fun starter kits. Bonus: these gifts also serve as not-so-subtle reminders to shower and do their putrid laundry.
FOR MOM: You’ve given this lady a whole lotta grief, so butter her up with some bathtime bliss. She insists she doesn’t have a favorite kid, but this gift might make her think twice.
FOR DAD: Show your favorite dude Zum attitude…and no, we don’t mean rolling your eyes at his corny jokes. Instead, give Pops a lather he can’t refuse.
FOR…WELL, S**T, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THEY LIKE: Fear not, these are our top-selling gifts.
Autumn is here! Vegetation is slowly dying all around us, but the colors are lovely! Let’s put pumpkins in stuff!
Record scratch. Cozy aromas are one of the best things about fall, but did you know there’s no such thing as “pumpkin spice” essential oil?
Alas, it’s impossible to distill and capture the pure essence of a fresh-baked pumpkin pie. If there was, believe us, we’d be huffing that stuff like junkies.
Synthetic fragrances have produced very convincing copies of that “pumpkin spice” smell. Just a little FYI when you’re shopping for home goods and toiletries this time of year.
But here’s some wonderful news for those who wanna whiff on the natural stuff. There are so many amazing essential oil combos out there, and endless possibilities for getting your autumn-aroma fix, sans preservatives or fake fragrance.
Here are some of our scentual fall essentials. Just mix and match for sweet seasonal sniffs.
Spicy and warm: Clove, Cassia, Cinnamon, Allspice, Ginger, Nutmeg, Cardamom, Anise
Bright and zesty: Sweet Orange, Persian Lime, Peppermint, Almond
Woodsy and green: Cedar, Balsam Fir, Spruce, Clary Sage, Pine, Cypress
Deep and dusky: Patchouli, Bergamot, Sandalwood, Frankincense, Myrrh
My name is Zum Bum. Some call me a hero. But listen, I’m just doing my job.
In my line of work, I’ve seen some stuff. Dark stuff. Depraved, unspeakable stuff that the weak of heart (or of schnozz) should never have to see or sniff.
The human body amazes me. It is a remarkable carbon-based machine. It can procreate, heal itself, and think.
And man, can it stink.
So what do I do? I guess you could say I’m in forensics…I deal with crime scenes, so to speak. Real ugly aftermaths. It’s my duty to clean up after yours. I’m #1 in the world’s #2 industry.
It’s happened to every single one of us. We’ve all taken a gamble and lost. We’ve all overindulged at our favorite food trucks, alas, at great cost. We’ve all dropped the kids off at the pool, and, albeit with much hesitation, saw the Browns off to the Super Bowl. Go, team.
It’s GI karma. What comes around, goes around. (With a courtesy flush, please and thanks.) And while we’re only human, that not-so-fresh feeling has our panties beggin’ us for mercy. Liberate those undies from oppressive odor regimes. Viva la Zum Bum revolucion.
The method is brilliantly simple. Just shake me up and squirt a few rounds on your TP wad. Wipe accordingly, and then experience the refreshing tingle of a gift that truly keeps on giving.
For best results, encore the show with a few sprays of your favorite Zum Mist to clear the air of eau de derriere.
No one will never know. Just try to subdue that smug smile on your way out of the loo.