The skincare industry’s made gazillions off of convincing you that your face is a helpless damsel in distress.
Wrinkle serums, acid peels, and cleansing milks. Oh my! Is it just us, or do “high-end” skincare products sound kinda TERRIFYING? And why is “cleansing milk” somehow more disturbing than “acid peel”? Shudder.
The beauty industry tells us that normal side effects of being human – zits, aging, redness, etc. – are flaws that need to be slathered with zillion-ingredient concoctions whipped up in laboratories. Long story short: the skincare industry creates skin problems. And then we feel dependent on products to fix those exact same problems. Gongggggg! That was the irony gong. Gongggggg! That was the “don’t-believe-everything-you-see-on-TV” gong. Gonggggggg! That was just Sven, over in the corner playing with his new gong. Oh, Sven.
Everyone just wants to be happy and healthy. But not try too hard at it. It’s exhausting.
So it’s time to face the facts about your skin. As in…it’s not helpless. It’s actually kinda badass. It knows how to take care of itself. It works overtime and gets the kids to soccer practice. All the epidermises, independent, throw your hands up at meeeeee. Epidermis, I didn’t know you could get down like that! (Okay, we’ll stop.)
The science behind your skin is amazing, but we’ll just cut to the chase, and explain this s–t like you’re 5 years old, a la Michael Scott…goat bless him:
There’s a layer of oil on top of your skin, and it’s not gross at all. In fact, it’s essential to maintaining the ideal acidic/basic balance to keep you feelin’ groovy. It has a pH of around 5.5, so it’s naturally a little bit more on the acidic side. This oil layer helps detoxify and protect your body… it’s automatic, systematic, hydromatic, why, it’s Grease Lightning! Well, technically, it’s your “Acid Mantle.” We like healthy acid mantles and we cannot lie.
When we use harsh cleansing products, we’re stripping the good stuff along with the bad. And then, we cake on moisturizers because we inevitably feel dry. And then the cycle continues, and we grow dependent on routines that aren’t actually doing anything good for our skin.
Good thing there’s a miracle skin care product on the market that will solve all of your skin problems, make you horrifically beautiful, do your taxes, and finally stain that dang deck! PSYCH. Sorry, that doesn’t exist. But this advice, straight from the Zum stuff-makers, certainly does: Let your skin breathe, it knows what it’s doing, and stop putting so much crap on it. Yep, we make body care products here at Zum HQ, but we take a different approach, ‘cause we’re truly passionate about keeping you happy and healthy. We’re practically begging you to let your awesome skin go ‘head with its bad self, and give it exactly what it needs to wash off the dirt of modern living, and nothing more.
We believe in the science of how cool your skin ALREADY is, not in how fancy-shmancy lab ingredients work or whatever. Your skin doesn’t need to be fixed…it ain’t broke, after all. It just needs to be loved and pampered, in all of its acid-tastic glory.
That’s where goat’s milk comes in. We’re crazy about it for a reason. Remember that 5.5 pH level from earlier? Well, goat’s milk gets real close to that. When we mix it in our soap recipe, it acts as an all-natural nourisher that doesn’t strip away your amazing acid mantle.
So what does that mean for you, sweetiepoo? Happier skin with a perfect Goldilocks balance of moisture, and in turn…so much less stress. Oh, and you’ll look great too, so you’ve got that goin’ for you, which is nice.
You don’t need Zum to be awesome, ‘cause you already are. But we think life’s a lot better with goat’s milk in it. Your beautiful skin agrees. So why not get in on this bliss?
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- Shave saver. Does shaving irritate and annoy your skin? Rub some Rub after you de-hair…for legs, pits, face, and even down there. It’ll be much more pleasant than Kevin’s aftershave incident from Home Alone. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- No-chafe failsafe. Cycling’s super fun, but chafing, not so much. Rub’ll nip that in the butt….BUD! We meant bud.
- Manicure magician. Hangnails and ragged cuticles don’t stand a chance when you add Rub to your manicure regimen.
- Windchill wizard. If you refuse to let bitter wind chills stop you from jogging or taking the pooch around the block, protect exposed skin with Rub. You’re crazy but we still love ya!
- Pint-sized protegé. Wee Rub’s made especially to protect your baby’s cute li’l keister. And Lullaby Lavender smells so sweet, grown-ups will want in on the juju, too.
- Man’s best friend’s best friend. Speaking of Rub for babies…your dog is your baby too, and you can massage Fido’s dry cracked paw pads with Rub. Sheesh, what a spoiled mutt.
- Gym bag swag. Our Zum Rub for Muscles contains menthol, a superstar soother that’s naturally derived from peppermint. It cools your buff stuff after tough workouts. So go ahead, play dirty.
- Take it all off, baby. Zum Rub can’t remove last night’s bad decisions, but it can remove your makeup…while leaving your dignity intact. Bingo!
- A cut above the rest. Protect cuts and scratches by rubbing on…you guessed it…expired mayonnaise. KIDDING! Zum Rub, duh.
- Good juju for your ‘do. Why spend gazillions on frou-frou hair products when you can pat down frizzies and flyaways with a tiny touch of Rub?
- Good thinkin’ for inkin’. Freshly tatted? Rub’s gentle enough to protect your new ink.
- Backwoods beautician. Treat the poison ivy blues with Rub’s soothing power. An essential for any camping trip.
- Novel navel navigator. Okay, this sounds kooky, but one anonymous Zum blogger swears by it: dab a little Rub on a cotton swab and clean out your belly button lint. Better for innies than outies, but it’ll change your life, we promise you.
- Sayonara to scars. When applied regularly, Rub’s a superstar for helping to reduce the severity of scars.
- Eyebrow ‘wow’ factor. A little smear of Rub gives freshly tweezed brows a polished, structured look. Eat your heart out, Brooke Shields.
- Vacation salvation. Rockin’ the lobster look after a day in the rays? Rub will help soothe the burn after soaking up too much sun.
- Tootsie treatment. Cracked heels and toes get a fresh new glow when you treat your feet to a dollop of Rub.
- The-bomb cleansing balm. Cleansing balms are all the rage, but there’s no need to spend $80 or more on a paraffin-based product when Rub saves the day the all-natural way
- Purse panacea. If you haven’t noticed already, Rub’s ideal for just about anywhere you need it moist. Which means it’s perfect for tossing in your bag and running out the door. Pure natural genius.
Oh, the succulent pinch of Cupid’s arrow, nestled deep in one’s buttock.
Is there a pain more exquisite than the sweet sting of love??
This I type in bed as Sven labours in the kitchen; he’s braising persimmons and Roquefort in a smoked-cacao reduction, finished with a dusting of fair trade Peruvian bacteria. Sort of a pan-Atlantic/neo-bitter fusion…he knows it’s my favorite realm of the palate. Terribly sweet, really, how hard he’s trying. Soon he will uncork the vintage 1986 Palais des Chevres, as dry and delectable as his Bachelor commentary.
It is difficult to write. Probably because of the hooves. And soon my Sven will whisk me from the Macbook and carry me to the table for our intense, sweaty session of gastronomic indulgence. So alas, I must make this brisk.
Valentine’s Day, lovers shall do what we do best: nosh, snuggle, and wash. The rest is up to fate. One thing is for certain: with Ooh La Zum Glow alit on the mantle, a new Zum Bar waiting in the soap dish, and the creme brulee begging to be bruleed, Valentine’s Day will be anything but ordinary. Or stanky.
I implore you, dear reader: love, lather, and turn up the heat. Never has there been a better night for a steamy shower with Zumbody special.
And by all means, go wild. Indigo Wild, that is. Here is where I would insert a large “wink” emoji, had I opposable thumbs.
- You’ve heard this nag a zillion times, but chug that water. Because it’s true! A well-hydrated body is a healthy one, and you lose more moisture when you breathe cold, dry air. If you’re having trouble keeping up on your H2O game, invest in a BPA-free water bottle that you can tote and refill anywhere. Zum like it hot, so cozy up to herbal tea for another hydration option.
- Your skin is as thirsty as your body, so no matter what your skin type…moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Always end your cleansing routine with an all-natural hydrating treatment to protect skin, especially in the midst of harsh winter vibes. Gentle oils like argan, sea buckthorn, or jojoba are like armor for your skin: providing the deep conditioning you need without clogging pores or leaving a greasy film.
- Joggers and dog walkers, you don’t have to fear the freeze. Treat cheeks and lips with Zum Rub before you go out in the bitter cold to protect that pretty face from windburn.
- And speaking of our super-salve, Zum Rub is gonna be your BFF all winter. It’s also perfect for those yucky cracked knuckles and cuticles, or wherever your skin needs it moist. All you gotta do is rub. Hence the name…we kinda idiot-proofed it.
- Chow down on seasonal superfoods for skin. Keep your skin glowing even when it’s snowing, because some of the yummiest vitamin-rich produce is abundant during wintertime. Squash, pumpkins, kale, sweet potatoes, parsnips, pomegranates, dates, Brussels sprouts, and even grapefruits are in season right now. So stock up on local goodies and eat your way to amazing skin.
- Exfoliate…gently! Slough off dead skin and lock in moisture with all-natural scrubs for face and body. Think biodegradable exfoliation agents like ground walnuts, organic cane sugar, or sea salt, suspended in yummy oils that are oh-so-delicate but purge those pores like a boss. It’s deep penetration without the irritation. (Heh heh heh.)
- Get some safe sunlight. It can be tough to get enough Vitamin D during the winter months, so try to get at least 15 minutes outside each day. However, it’s still really important to keep your skin protected from those UV rays. Especially if you’re out in bright white snow!
- Dark undereye circles are no fun…and do you seem to get zits like clockwork when you’ve had a week of crappy sleep? Your skin is begging you to catch some Z’s, please. Nightly recovery time is so important and your skin can’t function properly without it. Try spritzing your pillowcase and sheets with Frankincense-Lavender Zum Mist as a right-before-bed routine. You’ll be drifting off into dreamland in no time.
- Deal with stress strategically. Sniffle season + your busy butt = a recipe for stress. It makes us more susceptible to not only illness, but complexion flare-ups too. Take the time for a bath, a massage, or a good sweaty hot yoga sesh. Just one hour of self-care goes a looooong way.
You came, you sniffed, you conquered. And now, you’ll get the epic whiffs you’ve asked for.
3125 Zum is an aromatic experience you can’t get anywhere else in the entire world…because 3125 Wyandotte Street, Kansas City, Missouri is like nowhere else on this whole stinkin’ planet.
For years, Zum loveys have requested we make products that smell like our Crossroads chi factory. You can sniff on the herbaceous bodaciousness of our soap studio before you even step through the silver goat door.
Remember that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where the kids first experience that big candy dream world? Our factory is like that, but for your nose. And minus the creepy Oompa Loompas.
Lilting lavender dances with dusky patchouli, while warm woodsy frankincense flirts with zesty lemongrass squirts. Almond’s yummy and oh-so-sweet…then cedarwood turns up some smoky heat. Sea salt and sandalwood bring the beachy-clean, while spicy clove and anise set a sultry scene. And then some.
In other words, prepare for nostril nirvana.
Yep, it’s completely over-the-top and crazy. Guilty as charged. But give it one sniff and try to resist.
Quite honestly, it’s just impossible to fully describe 3125’s vibes. It smells like creativity, belly laughs, booty-rockin’ beats, sloppy smooches, and high fives. ‘Cause that’s what Zum is all about. Ya might say it just comes natural.
3125 is an aromatic olfactory scentsation worthy of the sudsiest celebration. So get your filthy paws on this one-of-a-kind line…available in Zum Bar, Mist, and Wash.
Never been to the factory? Here’s a little peak behind our shower curtain.
Another year of good juju and steamy showers has flown by. Seems like just yesterday that Sven and I were clinking glasses and nuzzling F&M-scented beards as the clock struck midnight and the beast of 2014 reared its head ever so majestically.
Tomorrow, we begin anew and commence our journey to self-realization under the pedagogy of a wise old guru. And by that, we mean we’ll probably get Indian takeout and watch The Wire reruns. But hey, every quest begins with a single step.
Tonight is our last chance to get weird in 2014, and what better way to do it than indulging in some beautifully bizarre cocktails? We’re breaking out these unexpected yet delicious elixirs at our NYE party tonight. Here are some easy ways to mix it up Indigo-style.
‘Cause there ain’t no party like an Indigo party, ‘cause an Indigo party don’t stop…and is full of weirdos…but smells so amazing.
- Bloody Marys are a playground for savory flavor experimentation. Try adding one or more of the following to your hemoglobin-hued juju juice: fresh horseradish pulp, a skewer of fresh mozzarella balls, sriracha…or for the omnivores, a slice of crispy bacon. (If you’re gonna drink bacon one night of the year, tonight is your moment.)
- Are you a kombucha-holic? It’s a yummy substitute for sours in a cocktail recipe. It doesn’t make the drink healthy, per se, but hey, your party will get just a little more probiotic.
- Fresh herbs are delicious in pretty much any cocktail, especially those with gin. A sprig of fresh thyme, rosemary, and/or basil is absolutely divine. We also love the combination of lavender and honey with gin…a la the mixology wizardry at Julep and their oh-so-heavenly Garden & Gun cocktail.
- This goat looooves a good stout float. For a scrumptious grown-up dessert, top a foamy mug of Boulevard Dark Truth Stout with a scoop of Shatto vanilla ice cream. It tastes like every R. Kelly slow jam, in your face, simultaneously. Salted caramel sauce optional…your mind is telling you no, but your body is telling you YEAHHHHHHHH.
- And of course, if you’ve got a serious boozy sweet tooth, you better go big or go home. We’re talking dulce de leche ice cream, Rumchata, and coconut milk in the blender. Yep. Just let it happen. (This may or may not be a certain Indigo Wild blogger’s favorite dessert for when she is, erm, hormonally compromised.)
Any other ideas? We wanna hear ‘em! Dish in the comments or post ‘em to our Facebook page. Have fun tonight, loveys, and stay safe. Sven and I are advocates of both cocktail creativity AND calling a cab when you’ve gotten a little too Indigo Wild.
Holiday gifting can be a real kick in the jingle bells. You wanna get your special Zumbody the most thoughtful gift ever that they’ll actually use and is perfect in every way and snowflakes and sugarplums and baby angel farts etc., etc, etc.
Uh…yeah, right. Maybe in Norman Rockwell Rosy-Cheeks Purgatory.
This time of year is so ironically exhausting…we should be enjoying the nostalgia with our loved ones, not flippin’ out over what to buy and getting caught up in the craziness.
So make like the weather and chill. We did the work for you, alright? Here’s a Zum gift guide for every personality on your list. Because no one can resist all-natural aromatherapy awesomeness, not even your grumpiest giftee.
FOR THE OVERACHIEVER: Your Type-A tootsie could use the goat treatment. Treat them to the pampering they deserve with these stress-busting favorites.
FOR THE JOCK: This all-natural athlete loves to play hard and get dirty. We’ve got the perfect present for your smelly superstar.
FOR THE DIVA: They’re fussy and high-maintenance, but you love ‘em anyway. Enable their vanity with goodies to satisfy any skincare junkie.
FOR THE COLLEGE KID: Spoil your adult-in-training with fun starter kits. Bonus: these gifts also serve as not-so-subtle reminders to shower and do their putrid laundry.
FOR MOM: You’ve given this lady a whole lotta grief, so butter her up with some bathtime bliss. She insists she doesn’t have a favorite kid, but this gift might make her think twice.
FOR DAD: Show your favorite dude Zum attitude…and no, we don’t mean rolling your eyes at his corny jokes. Instead, give Pops a lather he can’t refuse.
FOR…WELL, S**T, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THEY LIKE: Fear not, these are our top-selling gifts.