Urgent Announcement from the Bed Bug Health and Safety Administration:

Attention all Bed Bugs!

Our quest for world domination has been drastically halted. As the holiday season falls upon us (our biggest chance to conquer all), please be on high alert for traveling humans. Word on the bed bug street is that they have this super new bed bug spray from Indigo Wild.  It’s full of essential oils, including cinnamon, which you know we all hate! Wasn’t dealing with all of the harsh chemical repellants enough? Now we have an all-natural product keeping us away from those precious mattresses!

We are unable to reach those directly affected from Indigo Wild’s Bed Bug Spray, but we do have first-hand accounts from concerned Bed Bug citizens:

“This bed bug spray is keeping us at bay from hotels, homes, and suitcases across the nation,” -Lulu B. Edeater

“Not only do those pesky humans spray all of our lovely hiding places, but they are even able to spray Indigo Wild’s Bed Bug Spray throughout the entire room, creating an aroma that is pleasant for them, but makes all of my 6 limbs cringe,” -Stan K. Ybug

“This spray is selling like crazy, the future of our society is in peril. There is nothing that can be done to stop the spread of the spray, but we have located the source of this danger: Indigo Wild in Kansas City, Mo. All efforts are being made to track the distribution of this spray, but it’s selling too fast!” -Icke P. Estes (Professor of Human Studies, Bed Bug University)

We urge all of you to stay away from humans carrying this bed bug spray. These humans could be located in hotels, homes, airports, schools, and restaurants. Please take all precautions when traveling, and it is suggested that all bed bugs and their families remain under lockdown in their homes until further notice.