Holiday gifting can be a real kick in the jingle bells. You wanna get your special Zumbody the most thoughtful gift ever that they’ll actually use and is perfect in every way and snowflakes and sugarplums and baby angel farts etc., etc, etc.
Uh…yeah, right. Maybe in Norman Rockwell Rosy-Cheeks Purgatory.
This time of year is so ironically exhausting…we should be enjoying the nostalgia with our loved ones, not flippin’ out over what to buy and getting caught up in the craziness.
So make like the weather and chill. We did the work for you, alright? Here’s a Zum gift guide for every personality on your list. Because no one can resist all-natural aromatherapy awesomeness, not even your grumpiest giftee.
FOR THE OVERACHIEVER: Your Type-A tootsie could use the goat treatment. Treat them to the pampering they deserve with these stress-busting favorites.
FOR THE JOCK: This all-natural athlete loves to play hard and get dirty. We’ve got the perfect present for your smelly superstar.
FOR THE DIVA: They’re fussy and high-maintenance, but you love ‘em anyway. Enable their vanity with goodies to satisfy any skincare junkie.
FOR THE COLLEGE KID: Spoil your adult-in-training with fun starter kits. Bonus: these gifts also serve as not-so-subtle reminders to shower and do their putrid laundry.
FOR MOM: You’ve given this lady a whole lotta grief, so butter her up with some bathtime bliss. She insists she doesn’t have a favorite kid, but this gift might make her think twice.
FOR DAD: Show your favorite dude Zum attitude…and no, we don’t mean rolling your eyes at his corny jokes. Instead, give Pops a lather he can’t refuse.
FOR…WELL, S**T, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THEY LIKE: Fear not, these are our top-selling gifts.
Autumn is here! Vegetation is slowly dying all around us, but the colors are lovely! Let’s put pumpkins in stuff!
Record scratch. Cozy aromas are one of the best things about fall, but did you know there’s no such thing as “pumpkin spice” essential oil?
Alas, it’s impossible to distill and capture the pure essence of a fresh-baked pumpkin pie. If there was, believe us, we’d be huffing that stuff like junkies.
Synthetic fragrances have produced very convincing copies of that “pumpkin spice” smell. Just a little FYI when you’re shopping for home goods and toiletries this time of year.
But here’s some wonderful news for those who wanna whiff on the natural stuff. There are so many amazing essential oil combos out there, and endless possibilities for getting your autumn-aroma fix, sans preservatives or fake fragrance.
Here are some of our scentual fall essentials. Just mix and match for sweet seasonal sniffs.
Spicy and warm: Clove, Cassia, Cinnamon, Allspice, Ginger, Nutmeg, Cardamom, Anise
Bright and zesty: Sweet Orange, Persian Lime, Peppermint, Almond
Woodsy and green: Cedar, Balsam Fir, Spruce, Clary Sage, Pine, Cypress
Deep and dusky: Patchouli, Bergamot, Sandalwood, Frankincense, Myrrh
My name is Zum Bum. Some call me a hero. But listen, I’m just doing my job.
In my line of work, I’ve seen some stuff. Dark stuff. Depraved, unspeakable stuff that the weak of heart (or of schnozz) should never have to see or sniff.
The human body amazes me. It is a remarkable carbon-based machine. It can procreate, heal itself, and think.
And man, can it stink.
So what do I do? I guess you could say I’m in forensics…I deal with crime scenes, so to speak. Real ugly aftermaths. It’s my duty to clean up after yours. I’m #1 in the world’s #2 industry.
It’s happened to every single one of us. We’ve all taken a gamble and lost. We’ve all overindulged at our favorite food trucks, alas, at great cost. We’ve all dropped the kids off at the pool, and, albeit with much hesitation, saw the Browns off to the Super Bowl. Go, team.
It’s GI karma. What comes around, goes around. (With a courtesy flush, please and thanks.) And while we’re only human, that not-so-fresh feeling has our panties beggin’ us for mercy. Liberate those undies from oppressive odor regimes. Viva la Zum Bum revolucion.
The method is brilliantly simple. Just shake me up and squirt a few rounds on your TP wad. Wipe accordingly, and then experience the refreshing tingle of a gift that truly keeps on giving.
For best results, encore the show with a few sprays of your favorite Zum Mist to clear the air of eau de derriere.
No one will never know. Just try to subdue that smug smile on your way out of the loo.
Life is messy, but that’s what keeps things interesting. It’s fun to get filthy, and even funner to get Zum clean afterward. Yeah, yeah, we know “funner” isn’t a word.
So if you were up all night to get funky, or just wanna get so fresh and/or so clean-clean enough to not be a complete social Outkast, you’ll give a spritz about this news: your squirtable superhero, Zum Mist, is now available in Tea Tree-Citrus. This mashup of herbaceous bass and tangy treble is so groovy, you might find yourself dirty dancing just to get clean again.*
We sorta freak out whenever we get our mitts on a natural ingredient that works wonders for wellness, and can thus be infused into our products. One of these aromatherapy all-stars is tea tree, and we love it not only for its grassy, grounding scent, but also for its bevy of benefits. We’re down with T.T.C. in Zum Rub, Bar, Laundry Soap, and Countertop Cleaner…not to mention the several other goodies we juice up with this mean green healer.
Because who says you can’t find love in the shrub? Harvested from Australia, tea tree contains natural antiseptic properties, so it cleans up grime scenes without scary synthetics or creepy chemicals a la mainstream household products. It’s merciless to muck, but gentle on bodies. Alas, ye might be sorely vexed now that sniffle season approacheth, but fear not: Tea Tree-Citrus Zum Mist will go medieval all up on your doorknobs, handles, or any other loathsome germ-fortress. Just shake and shoot for fresh whiffs to boot. It’s great for gnarly showers, tubs, or sinks when your bathroom stinks. And hey, you can even tea tree-ify your own pits or feet when you don’t have time to shower…or if you just don’t feel like it, because we all have those days. That’s exactly why we’re here, dear. No one will ever know how lazy BUSY you are.
And this is important, folks: we only use all-natural pure essential oils, so you’re getting real tea tree and real citrus with every squirt. No synthetic fragrances, preservatives, or fake green coloring. And we test it on our own smelly selves, not cute little critters.
*PLEASE, for the good of humanity, post a video of yourself dancing with Tea Tree-Citrus Zum Mist to our Facebook page. But, like, keep your pants on. But, also, by all means, do NOT be afraid to shake what your mother gave you. We are 700% serious.
Why, hello there, stranger. Yes, it’s really me – Zum Wash, your luscious liquid lover.
I’m here with a sleek new figure and label to match. I thought I’d give myself a little makeover, and I think I look pretty good, don’t I? Curvy and bright and kinda in-your-face: I’m a little bit Koons, a whole lotta captivating. Resistance is futile.
I see you’ve noticed I come in a new scent, too. The energizing, intoxicating citrus swirls of Sea Salt make for one hot honeymoon of a lather. Aloha, indeed.
And worry not, darling, I’m still made of the same ingredients you fell in love with that first time we met in the tub. My saponified oils of coconut, olive, castor, and jojoba cleanse and condition your bod the all-natural way, while my pure essential oils satisfy your sniffer. I’ll never betray you with synthetics, parabens, sulfates, detergents, or triclosan, because even though I’ve got a new look, artificial will never be my style.
New duds, same suds.
Have me any way you want me – I’m ready to go by the sink or in the shower whenever you want to get wet.
Meet me at bathtime, ya filthy animal.
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Oh, clove. It’s sugar, it’s spice, it’s both naughty and nice. Its deep, warm scent is as comforting and tranquil as it is sexy and mysterious. Clove’s one-of-a-kind flavor adds richness and complexity to a variety of different cuisines, and its essential oil is a beautiful complement to any aromatherapy orchestra. Clove-Mint Zum Bar is a tried-and-true favorite, and we’re positively stoked about our new Zum Lab Clove-Orange Bar. Clove also plays a starring role in the Zum Jolly holiday line, paired with sweet almond and fresh fir needle. Mmmm. What else can you do with these lovely little flower buds? Worry not, we’ve got plenty of ideas.
- On your stovetop, simmer cinnamon sticks, star anise, and cloves in a big pot of water for the coziest housewarming ever.
- Ancient Romans used to suck on cloves to freshen their breath. Dental hygiene has improved considerably since the time of Halitosis Maximus, but this trick still works!
- Indulged in some garlic or onions? Want to keep your friends? Brush your teeth with a mixture of baking soda and ground clove to get that nasty stank out of your mouth for good.
- Stud an orange with cloves for super-lazy yet super-effective potpourri.
- Step out of your sweet potato rut: top your next baked beauty with olive oil, fresh rosemary, and a sprinkle of – you guessed it – ground clove. This combo is delicious on pears, too!
- Clove is a natural antiseptic. Shake up water and drops of clove oil in a spray bottle, then attack your scummy shower.
- A homemade clove tea can work wonders on a sore throat. Combine cloves with cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, and/or star anise in a filter bag for an ultra-soothing steep.
- Clove adds a heavenly depth to DIY grilled chicken marinade (or eggplant for the veg loveys). Try this Middle Eastern-inspired concoction: two parts olive oil to two parts balsamic vinegar and one part almond butter, with coriander, oregano, garlic, clove, cinnamon, black pepper, cumin, lime wedges, and a squirt of sriracha. Perfect stuffed in a pita with Greek yogurt, chopped dates, fresh mint, and pickled carrots…and then stuffed in your face.
- Don’t settle for that stubborn stink that can remain on food storage containers even after you’ve scrubbed them relentlessly. Add a few drops each of clove, rosemary, and spearmint essential oils to hot soapy dishwater for some extra odor-fighting power.
- For a pore-purging face mask that smells (and tastes) like straight-up dessert, mix honey and ground clove, wet your hands with hot water, and apply to your face. Try your best to let it sit for several minutes…you’ll want to lick it all off.
Zum Lab has been dabbling in some serious black magic. We’re about to drop our new Charcoal Zum Bar, and as your ever-faithful zumtern, I feel compelled to geek out about charcoal in a blog post.
I love me some barbecue ribs on the grill, and I also love all-natural skincare that’ll whip my pores into shape without any scary synthetic ingredients getting involved. What do these two seemingly disparate things have in common? You guessed it, charcoal! (No, I have never used a barbecue sauce face mask, but it’s not like I wouldn’t ever not try that, because this is Kansas City after all.)
I’m fresh outta college, and as our sage old Britney waxes so poetically: I’m not a girl, not yet a woman. Even though I’m out trying to make my way in the adult world now, my skin is still stuck in high school. It’s whiny, sensitive, needy, and basically just a total overreacting drama queen when it comes to oil and zits. My face needs tough love, but I’m adamant about sticking to the all-natural stuff. What’s a girlwoman to do?
That’s where my dark knight comes in to save the day, dermatologically speaking. Charcoal’s chemical structure works as a magnet to draw toxins out of the skin. It’s like taking a teeny weeny li’l vacuum to your pores. Add goat’s milk in the mix to nourish, condition, and provide moisture balance, and you’ve got one blue-ribbon science project. Our saponifologists have perfected the recipe so that Charcoal Zum Bar’s lather isn’t gritty or messy, so don’t worry about turning your bathroom into a sludgefest. And this bar isn’t just for your face – a blend of gentle essential oils makes it smell so naturally delicious you’ll wanna scrub-a-dub your entire filthy bod with this burnin’ hunk of love. As always: no parabens, sulfates, phthalates, detergents, triclosan, artificial colors, or synthetic fragrances. Your LBB (Little Black Bar) won’t let you down.
So don’t be afraid of the dark, loveys: charcoal is a rebel with a cause, here to incinerate your clogged pores. It’s 100% intern-approved. Well, that’s it, you’ve just been grilled on charcoal. (And now I’m really craving ribs, so excuse me while I get my barbecue on.)
**Note: never use BBQ charcoal on your face! Only use food grade activated charcoal.